Planes and pains

 Tuesday November 28

Yes there is a big gap in dates. I have been home for a week plus 21 hours and should have written this on the flight home, but it didn't happen. Hopefully I can remember enough to get me from Hanoi to at least Seattle.

Back at the same hotel I had first arrived at in Vietnam, seemed fitting to be the last hotel as well. I was welcomed like i was family, without the drama. The room was huge in relation to the past two night's Monk's cell.

I settled in and went a wandering around the area. Back to the lake for some final views and a light lunch on the shore. Back at the hotel I decided to splurge again on my final meal in Vietnam, by trying a different Michelin mentioned restaurant.

Since it's my last evening in Hanoi, I check my WhatsApp the last time and see that Gia had sent me a message last night they had an opening for lunch today. I completely missed the message last night. Darn again !

Back to the streets of the city and off to dinner. I like gadgets. The fancy restaurants here like gadgets, or maybe it's the Michelin reviewers that like gadgets. Last night's meal was Japanese and their gimmick was a tower of Sake that flowed down a glass lab condenser that was filtered through sliced apples. Great tasting gimmick. Tonight's was a pickle bar.The Lord of Pickles asked if I liked spicy or not. He gave me a dish of each. One fiery hot Kimchi and one sweet onion. Both were good, but I must admit it did tear up a little with the fiery one.

Mud crab vermicelli was the main, and really good. One of the things that I have experienced this whole trip is that when it comes to food, you get what you pay for. The serving sizes are even large for American tummys. One thing I missed about restaurants in the U.S., is kind of a love/hate is the server coming by to ask if the meal is tasting satisfactory. Generally they come at the most inopportune time, like when you are telling your best friend how to access your secret lair, but I missed it. My experience so far is the food is presented and you are left alone until you signal you need attention, whether it is more wine or the bill.

I hate having to explain the food was great, the portions were larger than I wanted. Oh, don't get me wrong, I could have eaten the whole thing, but the next day to be a eating and sitting day and  I didn't need all those carbs tonight.

Back at the hotel I shuffled things around in my baggage. I went from one checked bag and two slightly heave carry on day packs, to one pretty heavy checked bag and one slightly heavy day pack. In the day pack was my iPad, 2 days of undies and 2 days worth of meds. I  managed to get 40 pounds of stuff into my 30 pounds of stuff red suitcase.

Morning came and after breakfast with the locusts it was time to check out for the flight home. The required good byes and the reminders to mention then individually in the hotel's review on TripAdvisor.

The ride to the airport cost less than any previous ride to or from the airport and was in a very plush Suburban type limo. Guess I better remember that review for sure now.

The plane leaves Hanoi at 12:15 pm and arrives in Seattle at 1 pm. 45 minutes, with twenty hours in between.

Check in, official formalities and security and I'm in one of my most hated places in the world, an airport waiting area.

Some hours later another airport, different security and more waiting. Then boarding and into my aisle seat in Delta Comfort +. The legroom is a little better and the nose room a world better than basic cattle class. Of course the price difference could pay for a nose job but that's a different matter.

The flight from Seoul to Seattle was unmemorable except for the worlds worst meal and my seatmate with the world's worst fumigation problem. I swear, maybe it would have been better to have the middle seat in basic economy than to sit by Noxious Neville. Then he orders the Spicy Pork, Haiya ! All while complaining that they moved him (unbidden) from a window seat in basic to a seat in Comfort +. I think they did to to save lives, people are much more tightly packed in Basic than Comfort. With him in that closed environment the masks would be dropping from the ceiling left and right. Haiya !

The aircraft touches down in Seattle on time and I shoulder check invalids out of the way to escape to the clean fresh air of semi burnt jet fuel. Ahh.. what a relief.

A ride home on the Big Bus, that I had to sit erect for 2 hours, oh the humanity ! A short ride home thanks to a friend. 24 hours between bed and home. I fight sleep for 3 hours once home but surrender to eleven hours in dreamland in my own bed.

Now back to the normal routine

English lessons in the park

 Sunday November 19

Turtle Island

I walked back to the hotel and the walk was a lot easier once I figured out I could cut through a couple parks and didn’t have to play in traffic some of the time. The best part is the all the major streets and most connecting streets are blocked off from vehicle traffic Friday evening until Sunday evening. Oh, there is the occasional smog producer but it’s almost exclusively pedestrians. There are families, and teens and lovers hand in hand strolling along.

At one corner, a “Y”,  Japan is having a expo. On the v part there is a stage and it was rocking last night with I assume J-Pop, but it sounds and looks like K-Pop to me. It was a great stop for 10 minutes to catch the acts.

Pretty, but not as striking in daylight

A little closer to the lake for a repeat of photos taken when I first arrived, and back to the room.

Morning came and I just stuffed things in whichever bag was handy. I need to completely re-pack for tomorrow. Get real shoes, my big purple coat, and blue jeans (that I never wore) out of the red bag and everything except pills, 1 undies and iPad into my carry on. The undies in case I get stuck someplace overnight with out my big red bag, the iPad because between it and my phone, my ‘life’ is on it. The red bag will be checked luggage and with luck will get to my home the same time I do. Not a hard guarantee though.

Breakfast and then some wandering. No egg this time, I couldn’t see murdering the egg again, and didn’t want to risk it.

Game store

A friend had sent me a photo of a board game he played and made me ask the question if there were boardgame cafe’s in Hanoi. It turns out there are several. The one that sounded the best was a longer than I prefer walk away. There was one within walking distance though.

Usually I stick to one side of the lake, and today the other side seemed unexplored so off I went. At the south end of the lake there is a wider the the rest of the park area. It was full of people, both Asian and Western. Lots of the usual couples and in the mix every so often a mom and 8 or 9 year old. The child would approach and ask if they could practice English with you. Sure ! I need all the practice I can get.

The usual, exchange names, color preference, favorite food, animal too, place of residence. Some of the children are pretty good and some only fair. Of course the girls are better than the boys. I think the girls want to practice and the boys are forced to practice . One of the boys asked favorite foods. I said Hamburger since we Americans seem to have a burger rep. He said .. and pizza? He was right, one of my basic food groups.

Street side bike repair shop

One girl was a flippin’ genius. She was 9 and really knew her stuff. We went through the questions and for animal I showed her a picture of Dorothy and she said parrot. Then she asked if she could tell me a story. It was about her father driving them to a celebration one New Years Day and their cousin made a special cake and she was happy. I think she had to present this to class as a project, but she did really well. I talked to mom for a bit and she said it was her first time for Sunday lesson in the park. Lots of foreigners on Sundays and so it is well known for English practice. She said her daughter gets English in regular school hours, but is also enrolled in private lessons. From what I can see mom is getting her money’s worth.

Back to the mean streets of Hanoi and to board game nirvana. I found the address, but based on prior experience wasn’t sure. Tried to ask a stall keeper but she shooed me away. Number 72 was just a doorway to a stairwell. What’s the worst that can happen? Well lots of things, but carry on. On the 3rd floor I found it. Unmarked, but it was there. I took a quick picture and looked to see if anyone looked like they wanted to play. A quick trip for no payoff, but it was an experience.

Grab a coffee, leave a Post-It note

Back at the hotel I moved my bags from the room to the lobby. The reception desk asked how my stay was and I said Okay. She wanted to know why, and wanted a written review then. I told her I’d write it on booking.com. Seems that was the wrong answer. Things got very chilly from that point forward.

Changed hotels, went wandering some more. More J-pop. I waited for a family to move from their picture spot so I could use it to take my photo and the mature woman in the group without asking just wrapped an arm around me and forced to pose for a picture with her. I don’t know if this was a pickpocket situation or what, regardless it was more than a little awkward.

Back at the hotel beer finished might be time for some quiet room time.

Views, planes and shopping

 Saturday November 18 - Hanoi

Yes a different town, two different towns as a matter of fact , I did make it safely to Da Nang. The hotel in Hoi An canceled both days without penalty so that is that.

The taxi drive was uneventful for the most part. Some Google Translate, but nearly in complete silence. Neither of us could get past the Tower of Babel.

There was one detour to be made within the city due to the road being washed out. Mr. Driver expertly took me up in the hills and around that part of the problem and then two thirds of the way on a major highway we came to a complete stop behind a string of semi trucks, of course there were the other cars that knew the road blockage only impacted semi trucks and not all four wheeled conveyances , I think they were surprised to come upon a shoulder to shoulder landslide that, yes even blocked the way for them. A couple chapters in my Nook and our lane was let through. A 4X4 could have been better for passing that part of the highway, but we did weave our way through, bouncing all the way.

Da Nang came into view about an hour longer than scheduled, but at the absolute minimum I was no longer locked in Imperial Hotel jail. I got to be locked in Marriott hotel jail.

Da Nang is flat, flat. Away in the distance are hills, but the city is flat. Except for the billions of dollars in high rise buildings. If 1967 American G.I. Could see it today they would faint dead away. The Marriott is located on an island along with the Sheraton and other names your recognize. It is too far to walk to the actual city of Da Nang, that is why I say another hotel jail. Similar to Las Vegas where the next hotel is just over there, and it turns out it is a 20 minute walk, so is this island in Da Nang.

The rain was still coming sideways, but without as much fury as 24 hours previously. Getting a sandal full of wet sand from the beautiful beach didn’t appeal to me. My new cell was on the 25th floor with a beautiful view of the long white crescent of beach below.

I did the usual while in jail. Had a drink, watched a show or three on the iPad and did something completely out of character — I ate a bag of nuts from the mini bar. It wasn’t as good or satisfying as mini bars seem to have an aura of.

The morning, breakfast. I didn’t need to be out of the room until noon. The hotel provided a traffic report form for the in the room that broke down the congestion expected at various hours of the morning for the breakfast dining room. I’m too smart for such frivolity. I definitely should have headed the report. They weren’t the usual ravenous locusts, but there sure were a lot of them.

It was the expected spread, and ate my expected amount.

Noon came and the taxi was waiting. The 3:15 to Hanoi Gate six. You know what to expect here …..  ZZz…… an airport waiting area is the same from Los Angeles to Laos. Some are bigger, some smaller. Some clean some not. All seats uncomfortable and consumables are expensive.

Gate change, but airplane left timely and safely landed. The flight was an hour and 5 minutes and I was in economy. The row directly in front of me was an exit row, mega leg room. I am 26C, Mr. 25C nods off quickly and Zee’s his way until water is offered. He is awakened, took the proffered water and immediately slams his seat back! Lucky for me a motorcycle accident in the 1970’s broke my nose so it might be a hint smaller the the factory built one, and this seat back missed my nose. No one else in that row reclined, just Mr. 25C.

The 'Bitch of 26C', woke up within me. Fear her wrath! I have traveled with children in the seat directly behind me on aircraft and know how that can be. Drop the tray table. Put it back up. Take things out of the seat pocket. Shove them back in. Take them out again and then drop the tray table.

This bothers Mr 25C and he leans forward on his knees to try and get back to sleep, I stop.

He then leans back. Rinse and repeat. What does it take for this guy to get a clue? My bet is on ‘Never’ and I win. Until the landing instructions came of the seat back remained back. Yes, I feel bad for my childish actions, but they felt so good at the time.

Airport to city Uber was 300 Ho’s, 390 Ho’s for nicer car, taxi 500 Ho’s but he was there and I didn’t have to remember a license plate number. Traffic from 4 until 6 or 6:30 is rush hour in most cities, except for Seattle when it is is all the time. Hanoi is the same and then there is the construction. The 50 minute drive turned into more novel reading. The guy earned his Ho’s for this ride.

This hotel in Hanoi is different from the previous one. Mostly contrast and compare, but with the added bonus of being in the heart of the action. Well there is a big difference in similar priced hotels in the same general area in Hanoi, and I picked a winner the first time. The elevator is small. The hall is small. The room is small. The breakfast is small. The only thing not small is the price. This place must have gotten it’s stars on TripAdvisor from people who hadn’t stayed elsewhere in Hanoi. Room to value minus 5.

This morning I had some trinket shopping to do. My recently discovered (5 years is recent isn’t it?) second cousin remarked on the silk lanterns in one of the snapshots I sent her. She has a new home in need of more things to take up space. My plan was to get them in Hoi An where they are the city’s symbol, but that fell through because of the Noah’s Ark situation in Hue. There was a shop that caught my eye last evening on the way to dinner on Beer Street that held promise lay just down the block. They had exactly what I was looking for and the price was reasonable. So I hope wearing my heavy clothes home allow me to transport a fragile silk lantern home in my over packed main bag.

Then some real coffee after the awful hotel fare. The included breakfast was so lousy I didn’t eat it. I didn’t know you could fry an egg until the yolk turns to powder. A local coffee shop did alright. Still that strong chocolate notes at the end. Not a bad thing, but not what I was looking for.

Then off for a mile walk to Dong Xaun (Don Juan?) a huge shopping machine. An entire city block, three stories high. Merchandise sacked almost to the ceiling, the aisles one person wide and hand trucks in the aisle with man sized bales of tightly wrapped mystery. I tried to explore but was overwhelmed with the magnitude of the machinery of retail and wholesale embodied in these walls. I know I am a little claustrophobic and have had a panic attack so maybe a short visit to Dong Xuan is enough. Yes, it is enough.

Hanoi has 3 Michelin starred restaurants and 15 Michelin mentioned ones. Gia I tried to get reservations at while still home in the States but failed. I thought I’d drop them a quick email saying if the have a cancelation to call me. I also did this with a different starred restaurant. The second one got back to me, but their starred eatery was not available, but the main dinning room was well it’s better than Pho with your chin on your knees. I had also left emails at one or two of the 15.

Te phone rang with an unknown title. The woman said she had a 7pm available and I told her I had already made reservations at Kiki. We hung up and I checked my email and saw an email from Gia. They had a 7pm opening. Crap that was Gia !! Quick as a viper I called Gia back, and the spot had been filled. Darn, darn, darn.

I re-sent the email for tomorrow, but am not holding out any hope.

Killed a bit of time in the room and walked to tonight’s restaurant. They said Smart Casual, I should have worn a formal and tiara. The meal was really excellent, service not the same level. In A Chorus Line there is a song “Dance 10, Looks 5” totally sums up this meal.

Time to pack up my iPad and head on back to Smallville, without Clark Kent.

Change of plans, and another change of plans

 Thursday November 16

Now in Da Nang. More hiccups than usual.

Woke at zero dark thirty and watched the dark clouds change into lead colored clouds from my  bed. I was moving on today, I wasn’t sure where, but I was tired of this nice room and great view. I’ll trade it for something else somewhere. Maybe catch a flight out if the roads are still a mess. Maybe go to Hanoi on the train if the flights are full. Maybe Hoi An if the road Gods allow. Time and I hope patience will tell.

Last breakfast and then peruse the inter web for what information I can gather. One of the posts yesterday had a thread to follow . Two of the replies were from the southbound Hanoi train and one from the northbound Hue train station. Both said they were stuck, the Hue poster said the train was at the sttion, but just sitting there. You could access your seat or cabin, but it wasn’t going anywhere. The one from Hanoi was in the middle of B.F. Vietnam and had been sitting there for hours and hours. That killed the train idea.

I couldn’t find Mr Van Duc, but did find Miss Thuy Van at the front desk she started calling around for a private car to Hoi An, and found one for a king’s ransom. Normally it is a Queen’s ransom, but future kidnappers knew a fat calf when they saw one. Normally 1.8 Million Ho’s, today’s special was a mere 2.8 Million Ho’s. I may be forced to rethink private car, but not quite ready to surrender to another horizontal bus.

Mr Van Duc “Psst”ed me over and said how about 1.7 Million Ho’s to Hoi An? A million Ho’s less? Well Ho-Ho-Ho Christmas just came early.

I packed as quick as a NASCAR pit crew and was in a taxi in an alley in a second. I kinda think the was on the sly for a better tip and more importantly that booking.com review mention.

The river was back in it’s banks this morning, and we only had to skirt one landslide on the way out of town. Once we hit the open road of a secondary highway it was smooth motoring until the driver Google Translated me that Hoi An was still flooded. I knew that their river had overflowed it’s banks, but had assumed it had subsided in the past 24 hours. Guess not. Maybe he just doesn’t want to go to Hoi An. I tried calling the hotel I had reservations in Hoi An and succeeded, but my English was so bad that neither of us could really understand the other.  So message app and that wasn’t much better, but the bottom line is, canceled and not charged.

New plan, Da Nang. They are open for business and have a big airport for making a quick escape. But first a short 30 minute rest stop in the middle of the highway, because of a landslide that had been cleared enough to let alternating single lanes of traffic through.  The price changed too. From 1.7 Ho’s for a 3+ hour ride to Hoi An to 1.6 Ho’s for a 2+ hour ride. What am I to say, we are already 2 landslides on the way out of town?

So reservations made on the phone in the car and in Da Nang in about 2.5 hours.

I go to check in and the woman says I have a reservation for next week, but nothing for today. Damn, I am a Bozo. Sometimes I expect hotels.com to just default to today’s date, and we all know what ASSUME does. So a quick cancellation and new reservation for the correct date and all set. Kill an hour writing this and my residence should be ready.

Great recommendation and soggy plans

 Wednesday November 15th


Dinner was really really good. A slight walk in the rain, but the raincoat I bought for my trip to the Amazon jungle and never used has finally earned it’s purchase. After I got home from Peru I put it into a freezer bag and vacuum sealed it for the next 3 years. The Egyptians couldn’t have done a better job preserving their mummies. It did do a good job getting me to the restaurant but it was only 3 or four blocks. The only thing I found troublesome with it was that the hood really blocked my peripheral vision and crossing the street here, as I hope I have made clear is death defying under the best of circumstances .

The restaurant is in this giant open on two sides barn like building. Rows and rows of communal tables, with, real chairs. Well not chairs, but stools at chair height which is good enough for me at this point. Any meal the doesn’t have me looking an my dinner through my knees is luxurious seating as far as I’m concerned . The patrons we a mixture of, say … 40% tourists and 60% locals. If the locals eat there you know the food is authentic and good. If the tourist have found it, you know that you don’t need to worry about your tum-tum the next morning.

The menu was home computer printed and slipped into plastic sleeves like you might use for a grade school scrap book. I looked at the offerings and none of it looked familiar to me. Pho and Bahn Minh I’d recognize. Anything else is just letters even with an English description below. The hostess walked by and I said “What do you recommend?” - She “Oh, so many things! But first time try this.” And pointed to a tasting menu of six or so things for six bucks. Sounds good to me.

The plates came and kept coming. Three of the same item on each plate. A huge bowl on Not Pho and a whole garden of rabbit food. There were deep fried cylinders of meat wrapped with rice and a dipping sauce. Spring rolls and their dipping sauce. Little dishes the size of a Silver Dollar the had a rice batter poured into it and then steamed and topped with crunchy stuff. Kufta on a lemongrass stalk that you put in a rice paper wrapper added some of the rabbit food and I never understood if it should have been dipper or added to the thick soup. There were a thing or two I forgot, but let me tell you they were all good and tasty. I’d be happy to have them again anytime. But with better instructions on the Kufta.

Back to the hotel and no major accidents and only one near miss by a crotch rocket. Some Showtime on the iPad and you know the rest.

Morning comes or at least I think it’s morning it is so dark out I’m not totally believing the clock. The rain is coming down so hard that I can not see the buildings two blocks away. This is what I picture a monsoon to be, and had never expected to encounter this late in the year. I put the pillow over my head and hid.  “F” me ! The thought of dealing with a bus to Hoi An in this soup for 3 or more hours was not going to work for me today. I’ll spend the money on a private car and driver, slip in under this hotel’s portico and slip out under the next hotel’s portico a couple hours later.

So no hurry, I own the clock today, instead of the other way around. A nice shower, some of Starbuck’s best powdered caffeine. An elevator stroll down to breakfast, some novel reading over eggs and toast. Then down to the front desk. I know I could track down a private car on the iPhone but today is my slovenly day and I’ll put it off on someone else. Unless the price is too dear, of course.

The lobby is filled with the usual mob of Boomers and their luggage piled by the door waiting for their

Big Grey Dog to whisk them off to their next pre packaged excursion. There seem to be a few more than one most mornings at most hotels, but this is a very large hotel after all. The nice woman at reception tells me there are no busses today. I don’t care about no busses anyway, what about getting me a private car to Hoi An. Then she explains very slowly like to a child, no there are no vehicles of any type going to Hoi An today. Uhh.. isn’t this Vietnam where they are used to rain? I mean they even have a season named “the rainy season”. Surely they don’t shut down the whole summer. Maybe the rain will let up later and these wet weather wimps will get me to Hoi An. Check out time is noon, I got lot’s of time.

Back at the room, I do make a WhatsApp query to yesterday’s driver and he informs me that me and the road to Hoi An are the same “F”’ed. I thank him and start digging deeper. Between 12 and 24 inches of rain has fallen in the area. Some of the reservoirs had to open their gates to reduce pressure causing others down stream to do the same, flooding and washing out the road in some places. It’s the worst since ‘19 or something.

Maybe a late check out.

Three pm, I guess I’m canceling Hoi An and getting another day of Hue hospitality.

There is a break in the rain so at least I can do is stick my head out of my bunker and see what the world is like outside . The streets on each side of my hotel are flooded with near knee deep water in places. The restaurant I ate at last night is so water logged that not enough staff came to work to open. The bellman (Mr. Van Duc) got home last night at one am after working until 11. He was due back at work at 7am so had to leave home at 5am through thigh high water. The river is at the top of it’s backs plus three inches. It is a mess.

More Netflix, novel and staring out the window. Mr. Van Duc says he can get me a driver to Da Nang tomorrow. I hope he’s right. Different hotel rain watching would be nice.

Papaya's and dead kings

 Tuesday November 14th

Inside the old citadel is a French, Vietnamese restaurant that got good reviews, especially their green papaya salad. I could use some upscale dining . So I pull out my phone and open the Grab App, Vietnam’s answer to Uber. I plug in my destination and within a minute of two a car is heading my way.

I’m not sure the driver knows where he is going, but his app has a map and he follows it like a rat in a maze.

At the restaurant I get a table at the second floor veranda. It is raining a little but there is no heart in it. The restaurant is full of tour groups. Long tables with ten or twelve people at them loudly enjoying their fellow travelers company. I am glad I am on the veranda because it is just ‘deuces’ and the ruckus is left in a different part of the restaurant.It’s a little warm, if I was walking I’d probably be perspiring. The couple next to me is sharing the Green Papaya salad and it really smells and looks great. I order it and some Sea Bass. Great presentation and even a short tutorial on how to eat it. Take a shrimp cracker and place a small portion of the salad on it and munch away. It is really good! Sweet with some garlic mixed in, maybe a hint of fish sauce. It was as good as the reviews. This is the first Papaya I’ve ever had and a great introduction to this magical fruit.

It starts to rain harder and blowing in on the patrons closest to the outside, so the management lowers the roll up bamboo curtains to keep us dry and contented. This raises the temperature and I begin to perspire. I take a sip of water and it goes down the wrong hole and I start coughing. I try to wash it away with another sip and it just gets worse. I am really starting to sweat now.  It’s like the world’s most intense hot flash, except it doesn’t subside. Something is wrong, maybe ‘s Montezuma, does Covid come on this quickly? Sweat is pouring off me. I’m coughing and don’t want my neighbors to think I’m a virus distribution center. I get up and move toward the stairs I make it about 10 feet before I either have to sit down or fall down. Something is wrong in Hue.

The hostess comes over and turns a fan on high and aims it at me. I sit there for 10 or fifteen minutes and finally quit coughing and being a nuclear heat generator. Then the Sea Bass comes out of the kitchen. I tell the hostess that I’ll be departing and to please give me the check. She says she won’t charge me for the Sea Bass, and I tell her, I ordered it it’s up to me to pay for it. She isn’t having any of this so I am forced to accept her largesse.

I hop in the first taxi that rolls by and back at the hotel shuffle up to my room and crash on the bed. I’m not 100% but certainly better than I was at the restaurant.  I start Google’ing the symptoms and find out I am going through menopause. Ya, Google, decades ago. I dig deeper and it finally hits me I was having a allergic reaction , and the coughing was not the wrong hole it was Anaphylaxis. Unless I’m suddenly allergic to shrimp, I think it was the papaya the caused that reaction.

I was wiped out and lights out at 8:30pm.

A fitful night’s sleep and I still didn’t feel rested. I forced myself to get some breakfast and then back to the room to lay on the bed, but Hue was one of those must see cities for me this trip. Did a search and found a company that fit what I needed. A driver and some local knowledge.

At 10am, Hai arrives and off we go. First to the Citadel and then to a pagoda and finally two dead king’s final resting place.  Everywhere we went has slippery tiles to walk on, so I tiptoed the entire day. It was a weather mess of a day. Never anytime that rain wasn’t falling. Some of the time it was a simple mist and some of the time it was a full on downpour. I stumbled through the day not my usual traveling Tigger. It wasn’t until after 2pm that I started to get some pep in my step.

I am tired of being wet, but don’t want to dine of Pringles from the minibar or eat in the hotel’s restaurant. Hai recommended a restaurant that TripAdvisor also liked that is a 10 minute walk. Think I’ll do a very un-Western Washington thing and take an umbrella, and refrain from Papaya.

 

HUE, Hue, hue ........

 Monday the 13th of November

Went back to the room and watched an hour on the iPad and ran out of gas around 9pm. The previous night’s escapade and having to climb a mountain both ways kind of made 9pm a good time to sleep.

I did okay until around my usual hour, 3:30am then was wide awake. I was worried, I hadn’t seen Montezuma in a long time and was starting to wonder if I should find those pills for “when you are feeling sluggish “. If so, how do I get this across to a pharmacist when Google translate can’t get me a beer?

A quick shower and some stuffin’ of stuff into bags and and sitting and zipping them shut and it was time for breakfast. I haven’t had French Toast in forever, that and some bacon and coffee and life was back on track, in all ways.

I was all set to bitch to TripAdvisor about the slovenly service at this hotel. I mean I paid for two nights and the cleaning staff didn’t touch my room while I was out spelunking. I mean, can you even think it? I had to sleep on the same sheets two, count them two sleeps!! That isn’t even mentioning the towel situation. As she reviewed the bill which was just a hint over $100 for two nights, taxi 20 miles to and from from the cave, two very substantial breakfasts, one dinner and  five hour bus ride, I noticed the she had not charged me for an additional night, but a $20’ish ‘Early check-in’. Well that sure as heck ruined my complaining, darn her!

8:30 am taxi to (I forgot to add that in the above) to the bus pick-up location. My taxi was a pick-up, and got me there for the 9am bus to Hue’. This bus was another of those sleeper type buses but quite a bit more Spartan then the previous ones. It’s okay it’s only 4 or 5 hours. We stopped immediately for driver breakfast for 30 minutes and two more 15 minute pee and cigarette breaks that’s how come it takes so many hours to go so few miles here. That and the roads are worse that Washington’s backroads and filled with motorcycles and pedestrians going any which way down the AH-1. I’m not sure if the AH stood for Ass Hole or Auto Highway or what, but it was just a city street 30% of the time .

Around the 4+’ish hour mark we stop at what can only be described as a semi-truck tire shop and the people wrangler walks through the bus with Google translate text on his phone “Free taxi ride to Hue train station”. I am going to the city center, not some far flung train station in Hue. Still it's better to check. I point to HUE on my map app and he says “I love fried chicken”, or something and waves his hand. So I stay put. We skirt the city but map app shows we are heading straight to the airport. Not my preferred destination, but workable I guess. I Google how many Ho's to get to the city via bus and taxi and it and my budget are comfortable with the results.

The next time I check the app the airport is long in the rear view mirror. And HUE is becoming Hue on the app. I show the app to the baggage boy and he finds the people wrangler and they all surround the driver and everyone is talking about “loving chicken dinner’ or something, all the while Hue is becoming hue on the app. Chicken dinner is getting talked about and Hue is getting smaller and small in both the rear view mirror and the app. I try to explain how it’s my fault for being a dope and dump me out and I’ll find a taxi. All they hear is how much I love turkey dinner. And on we go. Chicken dinner, turkey dinner. At an opening in the center guardrail on a major north south highway the bus turns around and he puts the spurs to it. Pedal to the metal time. By this time I’ve given up on dumping my out and I’ll find a taxi. WE are screaming down the road and lights flashing and horn honking at every big bus we pass. After the fourth one it’s pretty obvious none of them are going to stop. Then the littlest public bus is sitting on the shoulder of the road either picking up or dropping off someone and my bus driver makes like a Highway Patrol stop and blocks the Little Bus That Could.

At this particular moment the skies open and an actual torrential downpour hits. I am not joking that my shower at home has less flow and pressure than this 50 foot scramble from one bus to another. The people wrangler stuffs a wad of bills ($2 ??) into the new driver’s hand, the baggage boy tosses my luggage on the Li’l bus and run back to their appointed rounds.

What the heck? Back home would have either ejected me at the first sound of the word “Taxi’ or said “I’ll let you off at the next pee spot”. I am still amazed, I might have to mentally apologize to Ms. Plastic Fantastic’s friend on the boat in Halong bay. I at least felt some shame over this.

On the city bus there are now eight of us and it is totally the after school bus. Six student types and one mature woman, me and the driver. hue, becomes Hue and eventually HUE on the app. But G’ translate is worthless for any concept other than ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’ so I sit quietly and try to not dampen my neighbors when  shake my head. After a bit we stop at a gas station to fill up. I espy a taxi or two and tell the driver I am changing from one mode of transport to another. I think he might have been grateful to get rid of me, because he didn’t stop me for a second.

I ask the taxi driver how much to my hotel. He looks at my app and me and I can see the gears turning “Hmm.. little bus .. hmm if she was on a motor scooter $3, if she was on a big bus $5, but little bus … hmm .. I’ll ask for $4 and let her get me down to $3.50” …. 100,000 Vietnam Dongs ! — sounded good to me so $4 it is, except he is a country (suburb) boy and needs me and App to get him to the hotel. We do alright only 1 wrong turn and I am at my hotel, I think. If not at least we are close. He let’s me out at an alley next to my ‘probably’ hotel and is gone. Thinking “I sure soaked that rich bitch for $.50!”

It was the correct hotel and check in couldn’t have gone smoother. I had booked a ‘city view’ but asked the clerk how much it would cost to upgrade to a ‘River view’, she said they had already upgraded me. What? The room is spectacular for the price and even is a corner room with windows on two walls on the 12th floor. I don’t know what possessed them but I am grateful.

I’ve spent and hour and a vodka tonic writing this. It’s now 5:20pm, might have to rustle up some grub, French Toast and bacon only goes so far, and today it’s run a marathon.

It's bigger on the inside

 Sunday November 12

The bus ride wasn’t as horrid as I had expected. The Bozo in the bunk next to mine had gone to sleep playing some Hindi music loudly. I wasn’t sure what etiquette was so let it go. Another passenger said “Can you please turn the music down?” To a response of ZZzzzz… She raised her voice, a man added his and still the music played on. They flapped his curtains, same response. I could see this wasn’t going to work and it was going to be the ride from whatever Hell is called in Hinduism. I reached over and tickled his fingers and he woke up. Then the gang started pointing and making turn the music down motions. He complied, but seemed a hint perplexed. Maybe he was just sleep confused.

I nodded off for a while until my neck got a crick in it. I woke up to the woman in front of me having a very animated conversation. It’s funny how you can sit next to two people talking and completely tune it out. The moment a cell phone conversation starts and you can’t hear both sides that one side is all you can hear. I think she yammered the whole trip.

My berth was long enough, but not quite a full 180 degree flat bed, more like 160 degrees. Sleeping on my back is not my ideal position, so I tossed and turned as I fumed about Ms. Jabberwocky. Eventually after 12:30am I finally really when to sleep.

Sometime in the night I woke as we pulled into a rest station for potty and snacks. I need neither so settled back into slumber. When my curtain was ripped open and the bus wrangler said something to me. I replied “Phong Nha” and he waved his hand. I settled back and shut the curtains  and he flung them open and said “Phong Nha”. My phone said 2:30am, not the 7am the woman at the hotel told me. About half the bus seemed confused to, but I rolled out onto the floor and grabbed my pack and got off the bus. Yup, we were at our destination confused and sleep addled.

My initial plan was arrive at 7am, find the hotel I had reserved drop my luggage and go play until check in time. Well that plan sure went to Cleveland in a hurry. Finally it is just me and two Vietnamese women. “Motor bike ride?” — “Taxi??” —— “No, no taxi now”. Well it is that or actually sleeping on the street. Okay

She loaded my heavy case between her legs, had me put a back pack on each shoulder and away we went. We were the only thing moving in the town, even the dogs were quiet. She dropped me off at a very, very dark hotel. There is one 25 watt light over the doorway. Well at least they have some chairs I can settle into a couple of them until the morning comes. A stirring alerts me to something and a man emerges from a zippered cocoon of a hammock . He mutters something at me and I mumble something back. He gets out a key and goes inside and brings a blurry eyed young woman. I explain my situation and she says there is a room available and I can have it, for the nightly price. Fine, do it, please.

So now I am paying for three sleeping locations for one night. The one in Tan Coc, because I went after the 11am check out. The bus that delivered but still owed me 4.5 hours of sleep and now this hotel. I am not complaining very much here, just stating the irony of how this worked out.

I probably went to sleep around 4 and woke up near 7am. Maybe 5 and a half hours of sleep, could be worse.

I thought the cave I had come to visit was right in town, turns out it is over 20 miles away. There goes the idea of walking or biking to the cave. So a car is secured for the journey.

The driver is good, and we get there safely. He parks and says go that’a way. I pay the fee and then ask why I might need a ride in an electric buggy. The cave is 2 km from the ticket booth. Might as well save those steps for something else, so ride I did.

The cart dropped me off at a stairway, but knowing that the height of steps is not consistent here and all too frequently very slippery, I turned right and headed for the paved ramp up. The steps said 500m, the ramp didn’t give a distance. The ramp went up and up and up some more, toss in the switchbacks and I wouldn’t be surprised that it doubled the 500m of the stairs. Again I was sweating and wanting to lay down when I finally finished the climb.

I gulped down a 1/2 liter of water and then onto the cave. Little hole with wooden steps and suddenly high above the cave floor and words fail me to describe how huge it is and how awesome (I was indeed awe struck) it was. Huge, and colorful thanks to the strategically place lights.

Was it worth the challenge to get here? Most certainly .

I stayed for about an hour and a half before turning around and climbing back up and out of the cave, into a light rain shower. I didn’t bring my hat, since I didn’t anticipate much need for sun protection inside a cave. The rain was not factored in to my grand plan. It was a warm rain, and if I get wet, I get wet, there is no way around it. Guess what ? The walk back was easier the the walk up and I was a little wet, but not too bad, especially considering how hard it's been known to rain in Vietnam and the rest of the tropics.

Back at the hotel I made travel arrangements to go to Hue tomorrow at 9am. A supposedly 4 to 5 hour ride. I’ll start my stopwatch when I board.

--- Sorry about the odd picture placement, I can't get the App to accept that these last two pictures will fit side by side

My limousine is a bus

 Saturday November 11th

Phong Nha has a world class cave I’d like to see there is one small problem, distance. It lies almost exactly half way between here and Da Nang. So what to do? Go back to Hanoi and catch the first plane to Da Nang and 8 to 10 hours up. Or hire an expensive taxi ride? Forget the whole thing? The busses only make the run at night, and overnight on a bus just causes me get shivers. The hotel lady promised me a sleeper limousine so I gave her some Uncle Ho’s and set it up. Pick up at hotel at 6pm for ride to bus terminal and arrive at 7am. Sounds possible, but I am not expecting what she promised.

Today was supposed to be some history sort of things in a private car. We cruised to the first location. Not what I was hoping for . A Buddhist pagoda that was made in 2011. I know everyone here is young but 2011 is no way ancient to my way of thinking. The entrance fee included a hop on hop off electric cart and to expect to spend an hour on the grounds before going to the stupa where for an additional charge you could get an elevator to the top. It was kind of a religious Disneyland. I decided to pass on the once in a lifetime experience.

Back towards town was some real history for the 900’s. A king’s residence that was interesting. It might

have been more immersive if it was not the starting line for the Tam Coc marathon and I think everyone from the three surrounding countries decided to participate . It was a mass of people in thank tops with numbers and sponsors imprinted on them. Next there were the school children from the English class. What is your favorite color? What animal do you like the best? What is your name? How old are you? The children all had a small sheet of paper with 5 or six questions they written on it, and space for them to write the response . So I knew my reply needed to be one word. There were too many of them, I felt badly leaving but I would have been there for an hour.

I did the history tour thing and then found my taxi driver for a return trip to the hotel. At the hotel I paid him the correct amount and tossed in a 100 Ho's ($4) tip. He walked in behind me and talked with the owner. I assume to pay her the hotel’s commission. I went to a/c, and later to lunch since dinner was questionable with a 6pm departure. I went to a different restaurant and had a full lunch including a Coke Lite for about $4.

Back at the hotel the owner started saying something about money that I didn’t grasp. Then she handed me a 100 and I understood. The taxi driver didn’t understand what a tip was and had returned the amount I had over paid him. Then with the help of Google Translate I explained the concept of a tip to the owner. She took the 100 and Venmo’ed it (or the equivalent) to him.

6pm came and along came my ride. A motor scooter of course. No way Jose’. Not with two backpacks and a 35 pound main bag plus me on a scooter. A car came and took me back to my favorite restaurant to wait.

Now on a bus, called a limousine but its still a bus. Full of the unwashed masses all with telephones and no headphones. This is going to be a long night.

Row row row, yer boat

 Friday 10 November

Dear Jetlag, 5am is too early to start, let’s wait until at least 7, please.
 
Went down to a breakfast of champions. 3 kinds of fruit. Four pieces of Wonderbread, 2 crepes an egg over almost hard, honey and coffee. I didn’t know In was expected to row the boats I came to see, or else why would I need even half that for breakfast?

Then the walk into Tam Coc proper. I had walked it in the dark twice and I really prefer it in the day time. There is something about a tree covered street at night that changes to primordial once the light of day wanes.

There must be twenty choices of places to eat on just one side of the road, between my hotel and the center of town. I picked one at random and ordered a coffee . I mentioned 3rd largest producer of coffee … well I guess a good analogy is just because you are a rancher, it doesn’t mean you are a chef. The regular way coffee is prepared here is, a tablespoon of grounds is placed in a small aluminum cup with holes in the bottom. This is placed over a small glass and hot water is poured over in. The same principle as Mr. Coffee or Keureg and they make passable coffee . This coffee was actually pretty good, real strong hints of chocolate flavor in the brew.

Then off to ride a boat. There a zillion little aluminum skiffs on the waterside in the center of town. Each

designed for 2 to as many as 4 and a rower. The price is fixed at about $10 per person, but if you want to solo you need to buy two tickets.

I was soon clad in armor of a lifejacket safely against the posibility of sinking, whether I could swim or not. The woman rower sat on a chair at the rear (aft) of the boat and started out pushing the oars forward the get us moving. Once we got a small wake going, she leaned back and replaced her hands on the oars with her feet. Somehow she was able to bring the oars back after the power stroke using her insoles. I watched all the other boats that were using this technique and still am clueless as to how they do it, but it is universally the way they do it. It’s not only efficient but leaves the rower’s hands free to fish, eat or scratch.

The water was dead flat and we slowly went along through Lilly pads and under arched bridges. In a few minutes the canyon walls started to close and steepen. This place is sometimes in the tourist brochures as fresh water Ha Long Bay. I can see why. The limestone karst rises sharply with fiords of water in between. Both this location and Ha Long bay were used as backdrops for a King Kong movie and it sure does look remote and Jurassic to me.

The first cave was longer than either of the caves visited in Ha Long bay. It was a real cave, so much that if it hadn’t been lighted would have been totally dark most of the time. The ceiling was low and the rower came as close as she could to beaning the passengers. I think it is a game they play with themselves to see if they can make the tourist’s duck. Kind like that grade school taunt ‘ha, ha. Made you flinch’. I refused to give her the satisfaction, but had to fight the urge a couple times.

Then back into sunshine and more flat water, Lilies and karst and then another cave and a turn around for the same trip but in reverse. It sun was in my face and high in the sky so I put my iPhone camera away. Have you ever rented a horse, and you clop clop slowly along until you turn around, and suddenly the horse is alive prancing and high strutting? Lady rowers are the same way, except close to the stable the horse doesn’t ask for a tip. For a non tipping country they sure aren’t shy to ask when you can perform a

service for them.

By now it was closing in on mid-day so I thought I’d stop for a nosh. I went back to the same cafe and ordered a cucumber and tomato salad . It was very tasty and Soy, sugar and oil - with just a squeeze of lemon - dressing. I think I’m going to add it to my summertime menu.

Back at the hotel we swapped rooms for the one I had reserved on hotels.com. Exactly the same, without the dog or and the truck noise with a supposedly better view, but it was still trees. The room was a little better decorated, but nothing I can really point out.

I turned on the a/c and flopped on the bed to try and quit sweating.

Early evening back the same kilometer to town past the same massage come hithers, papayas to buy, and restaurants promising the best fare in town at the best prices. To that same old same restaurant as earlier . This time for spring rolls and honey chicken and a beer . Great dinner. I tipped the same as lunch, about a dollar and the owner gave me a hug when I left.

Some You-tube and some Apple TV and good night 10pm

Bills on paper, bills on birds

 Thursday Nov 9th

By now I had the boat’s routine kind of figured out, you weren’t going to find the never empty coffee pot until 7am and then it disappeared after brunch. So I just hung out in the room a bit longer than the day before.

A few good byes to other passengers over breakfast. More hovering (in a good way) by Helen my ‘Butler’. An offer for more kayaking in the morning, but the kayak’s seats are wet and it took my jeans shorts 2 days to dry after the first time. Mostly I just enjoyed the serenity of just being on the water with impeccable service.

Until about 9:45. During the cruise I had 3 alcoholic drinks, and bought a glass of wine for my wonderful German cigarette machine. Averaging about $10 a drink, so $40 all said. More U.S. prices than Vietnam prices, but they do have you at a bit of “It’s the only game in town”-itus. I handed over my piece of plastic to the purser/barman and he jammed it into his hand held machine pushed some buttons and my phone chimed with a text from the bank “$37.65 has just been charged to your piece of plastic”. Cool ! Well not cool. His machine never got the confirmation and the bank’s text was not a regular text but one of those that is temporary. Once read it goes someplace else into the ether of broken bytes. Okay, I’ll pull up the credit card account page on my iPad. Easy, except all my backing passwords are locked safely at home on my Windows machine, not in the iOS ecosystem. I tried to reset the password, but with 2 factor authentication they could not send a text to my normal phone since I am using a Vietnam sim and my T-Mobile sim would not connect to their cell towers. Soon enough I did get an email from Plastic Card Company “Your account has been locked!”. On one hand I really appreciate the security protection the are providing, on the other … well there is that barman.

I could have given him the 400k Ho Chi Minh’s and told him to reverse the charge once he got to a decent signal. But I had lost my patience with them I had paid a premium price to ride their tub and they were going to cheap out on 4 lousy drinks and basically call me a liar, because their system was faulty. I didn’t raise my voice, but said “Call the police if you want. I paid and if your machine is faulty it is not my responsibility. I am not running the card again and not giving you cash.”. —— so have I every told you about Vietnamese jails? ——not really. We both came to the understanding that this could get ugly in front of other passengers and I didn’t care. Poor Helen was about to have kittens, she had spent the last 3 day kissing my ass and it was ending on this note? I knew she was in a totally different part of the system and this was out of her hands. When I get home and get the account unlocked, if the charge isn’t posted, I’ll reach out to the company and fix it. — The lucky thing is that that particular credit card, I had brought along only to use as charges for the cruise. Thanks to some Diety it wasn’t like my Amex or bank debit card.

One thing the tourism trade here has learned is the online reviews matter and they aren’t shy about asking for a good one. Even down to asking that they individually be mentioned in the positive review. Helen really did deserve her accolades. Tim, well he did do his job, and did get my ride to Tam Coc arranged so I’ll give him a mention.

On leaving the boat I was given a tote bag, but everyone at one time or another was given the same brown sack with the tote bag inside. Helen did come over and hand me a 500 VND bill (about $.02) as ‘Lucky money’. I don’t completely understand the lucky money concept, but I do sometimes put a penny in my shoe when traveling. Maybe it’s the same thing. Anyway it was a sweet personal touch from a very hard working woman and I appreciated it.

Luggage packed, board the tender and soon on dry land. A bit of a cluster **** everyone going to different modes of travel, by different companies, but it all got worked out. I was really torn about the their to accept Heidi and Jergen’s invitation to ride with them, but the potential of a four or five hour ride making small and probably large talk really scared me. I was afraid, by the end of the ride they would hate me, so I in the end did decline their more than generous offer and take the bus. Thank you again Heidi and Juergen for the generosity.

The bus was a bus. A nice bus, but in the end just a regular plush seat tour bus. I am glad I didn’t have to lay on the floor or climb up to my seat. The driver drove with one hand on the wheel, the other on his cell phone, his other on the horn all the while picking at his cuticles.

There seemed to be to be three types of honks. 1. I am here. 2. Move it! 3. Get the $%^&* out of the #$%ing way you fatherless dog. We got to hear all of them several times over the next 4 hours.

We arrived at Tam Coc and the bus went to each hotel and dropped off people. Mine was a hint past the main of the town, but the town is a mess. Restaurants, massage parlors and the occasional family run convenience store. All wanting you to drop in. The place I am at is a little quieter, but a 10 minute walk to town.


I had booked the room for 3 nights through Hotels.com. I gave the owner my passport which she photographed and handed back to me. I said I had reservations, but though her heart is big her English is small. As well all know, my Vietnamese is Google translate, so not so good. She tells me that I can only stay 2 nights because they are fully booked, and would have to get a less than ideal room. Fine! I’m tired, we’ll work it out tomorrow. to which she started packing my bags onto her moped and said hop on and she’d take me to a nice homestay. I totally balked at that and said give me the two nights. Well I’d have to stay in a ‘Family room” which would cost additional. Fine, fine, fine, give me a room. The room overlooks the highway and the neighbor’s dog even barks in it’s sleeping but it does have a door that locks, a bed and a toilet.

Dinner hour was approaching,so I walked into town an hour later and 3/4 of the way there she pulls up to me on her scooter and shows me that she had my reservation all the time from Hotels.com, and thought I was just a walk in. Uhhh… That’s one of the reasons I handed you my passport when I walked in, I thought. Besides having it emblazoned on my day pack in nearly 3 inch letters and a giant yellow plastic tag on my other day pack. Oh, well, tomorrow, tomorrow it will get sorted out.

Dinner was food. Chicken Pho and Chicken fried rice and a beer. Both servings full servings as a meal in themselves so I over ordered. The total bill under $5. I’ll order smarter tomorrow.

Back at the room, an Apple TV episode and lights out at 10. The trucks quit driving outside and the dog went to bed.

Different tribes meet

 Wednesday November 8th

First and only full day of a “2 night 3 day” cruise on Stellar of the seas. They pack a lot into a short period of time. There isn’t a lot of down time. My butt is a little chapped from all the ass kissing. Some I feel is genuine and some I feel is the product. One thing for sure, Vietnam hospitality services live and (I assume) die, by online ratings. Today was the second time that I have been asked to be sure to leave a review on booking.com or TripAdvisor and mention them by name. Once in Hanoi and today on a beach in Ha Long bay. Well at least they aren’t stuffing a calculator with suggested tip in my face.

Last night’s sleep was about as perfect as could be. For a solid seven I don’t remember a thing . Woke at 5am and just coasted until six. Sunrise was pretty spectacular. The only thing to mar the perfection is that there was no freshly brewed coffee available. The only coffee on hand was the Starbucks instant that I had brought. Around 6:30 the breakfast bar opened and I did get that dark black liquid medicine. The last cruise on the Mekong, was well served in the meals department. This cruise make them look like C rations, well maybe not that bad, but certainly MREs. Breakfast was the usual, a plantation of fruit, a bakery of breads, a ranch of meats, a coop of eggs, and an orchard of juices, plus a plethora of Asian fare that I just glanced at.

I had a sufficient breakfast, omelet, a croissant and some juice … plus a liter of coffee . Chatted with a few people and mostly just hung around. I did get together with a couple who I thought were my age, and were a decade younger. Whoopsie ! But boomers gotta boom and I figured they would know etiquette as far as how much to tip the staff. They were as clueless as I was. They sent a text to their travel agent to find out. It came out to about the same ballpark as I had expected.

They were one nighters, and left close to 10am and it felt like I had the boat to myself for a few hours

before the new one and two night people arrived.

It wasn’t even eleven when my assigned custodian pretty much demanded I eat some of the brunch because it was going to be The Oregon Trail until the next time food was served, and she didn’t want a icon appear above my head “Theresa died of dysentery “.

Somewhere in the afternoon I stepped out of my cabin and met a crew member who told me it was time to go. Uhh.. okay .. I thought it was optional and I got the impression it was not optional. The program read, high speed boat tour of Ha Long bay, bike ride and village tour and beach swimming. There was no “or” in there or “and” it was all or nothing. Might as well accept the ‘all’.

At the rear of the boat, I guess I should say stern, there was already a tender that was from The Elite of the Seas, a sister ship to this one. I had looked at both these boats online and liked the deck plan better on this boat. The Elite and odd first floor configuration that blocks the veranda on two of the first deck cabins and I wanted to make sure I didn’t get that cabin and I knew I wouldn’t on this vessel. The baker’s dozen of The Tribe of Elite, thought that they were slumming it to be forced to pick up the flotsam of Team Stellar. What they didn’t realize is that the prices for both boats are virtually identical plus or minus a mixed drink.

There was the one woman who had a little too much work done. Her skin was tighter and Ringo Star’s drum heads. Her eye brows were almost at the top of her head, and nothing above her eyebrows moved. Whoever had done her work did a good job, but there was still that little horizontal incision scar behind her ear. Her surgeon should have gone along the back of her ear and not the way he (she?) did. I will take my photographs and make subtle color enhancements and crop out some unwanted aspects of the photo, but nothing that screams HDR ! With colors and vibrancy that are obviously un-natural. Why someone would do that to their face is beyond me. One win for Team Stellar.

Second win for Team Stellar — no against Tribe Elite is that our boat does laugh more and as a rule has more fun. Maybe a stick in your butt, Tribe Elite hinders your sense of humor .

The ‘Speed Boat tour’ was just moving from one location to another. No narration or anything except engine noise and passing rocks and greenery. With the bow of the tender against concrete we were told on exiting that we had two options. Either a bike ride to the village or a giant electric golf cart to the same village. The boat wrangler said the bike ride was ‘Some up, some down’. I rode my bike almost every day this past five months this should be a snap. We were ushered quickly past the great knobby tired multi grared mountain bikes and were lead to some one gear bikes that were new when I was in high school. Well, I could have dreamed of a geared bike I guess. Maybe it will be like the brochure of a flat bucolic ride through the country side.

It wasn’t. When you see one of those little triangle signs with a black diamond on it with a number and a percentage , you know you are in for a climb. There were two of those on this ride. I would have done fine if I could have dropped a gear, but I had to admit defeat and I needed to dismount and walk the bike up the hill. Then I had to gingerly ride the brakes on the way down, because those old time tire squeezing brakes have no stopping power like disc brakes. The flat parts were very flat and it was a nice to effortlessly cruise the countryside —— except for my clueless compatriots. They had no concept of bike etiquette , maybe etiquette in general. A “On your left” or a bell or something that would have gone a long way and maybe a ear wax cleaning would have helped when I said “On your left”.

The village tour was less than climatic. For me the high point was the ‘fish massage’ where you sit at the edge of a small pond and drape your feet into the pond and the little teeny fish swim up and nibble at your limbs, eating any dead skin that they find. I and everyone couldn’t help to keep from laughing. It was such an unexpected experience. It tingled like teeny electric shocks but not in a bad way. Just tingles. I really liked it, couldn’t do it for very long, but it was  pleasant. We had this available for us in Washington state for a short period of time , but the health department shut it down because it was unsanitary. I guess boiling the fish after each customer didn’t work so well.

We got the how to grind rice demonstration, and the buffalo viewing. Those adventuresome of us tried the snake wine (not I) and it promised virility and male heirs to the men who  partook.

Then a rewind of the bike ride back to the tender. We had pulled away from the pier and the deck hand did a head count and we were one short. Of course, it was a member of Tribe Elite and pals with Ms. Plastic Fantastic. We pulled back to the dock and the deckhand was sent on a search and recovery mission and was successful. She flounced on board without even a look of apology or chagrin, she just expected us to await her appearance. The twat !

The beach was sandy. The water was warm and unexpectedly the beer was free (well included, if not exactly free)

Then back at the boat for some down time before dinner on the deck.

Wow ! Wow ! I just figured out that the cruise manager was saying to me. There is a German couple who I have been mooching cigarettes from are going to the same place tomorrow as I am and they are going by private car and offered me a ride with them instead of taking the bus that I had planned. Wow !! I can not believe their generosity. Of course I declined ——— NOT !