Guatemala - Sorta

 

Actual land! My feet actually touched dirt in all it’s glory. I was beginning to wonder if my shoes were going to be relegated to tightly woven carpet with fishes of the remainder of their lifetime. We actually docked today in Guatemala. The first foreign country of the cruise.

Every day I get a different piece of paper with a different itinerary on it. I loved the one that began …

Dear Valued guests. We hope you are enjoying …….discovering the charm and beauty of Mexico.

… this was at my room after we had blown off Cabo San Lucas and Acapulco and were on our way to Guatemala. The only beauty of Mexico I saw was the high rise hotels of Acapulco in the distance retreating away from the ship. Don’t you have a proof reader Mr. NCL?

When I booked this cruise it was basically one day one the sea, one day at a port, except the last two days from Cartagena to Miami. Today ends five consecutive days at sea. I think I spent fewer consecutive days at sea going from Alaska to Japan. Oh! We got a $10 credit for missing Acapulco. ‘You missed a world destination. Sorry. Here’s a Frappuccino’

What have I missed telling you about?

How about the woman in the Dirndl dress (think Heidi of Switzerland yodeling) at the top of one of the staircases. I wondered if we had a Swiss Family Robinson theme going on since we had been at sea so long. Reflection on it, the is October, and there is a thing called Oktoberfest, that is probably what was going on. If she had had an armful of beer steins I would have understood.

I’m special on the ship. I am a Latitudes Silver member. It is kind of like at Chipotle, if you buy enough burritos for can get free Guacamole. Silver is the lowest rank, I could pull up how many days you need to go up, but after this cruise I’ll be Gold some guy at some desk told me. I get things I’ll probably never use. 10% off photo packages, 15% off spa sessions .. etc. I guess if you get enough nights, you get a free bottle of water and a mint on your pillow.

I got invited to a special meet and greet cocktail thing with the Captain on officers of the ship. Wow! I put on eye shadow and mascara and headed to the main dining room for my special day. I come down the stairs and there are hundreds of people waiting. Sardines packed in oil have more room than these people. I move to step off the last stair and get “The end of the line is over there!!” Spat into my face, by someone’s sweet commando grandmother. I’m sure her retirement is good after all those years as a stevedore.

I make a u-turn and go back up the stairs. Forget it. Being special isn’t worth it to me. A Diet Coke later I slip back down to the main dining room and try to find a seat. Out of this huge arena sized room there are probably less than half a dozen seats available, and all of them are behind pillars. I find the thinnest pillar at and sit down.

The captain is standing on a small stage, going on with the company’s self promotion and how many status people are on this cruise. Over half the ship ! Really !! Maybe I’m not so special after all. Then he goes into “How many of you are (? Status ?) members, raise your hands”. The hands go up, and more as each status is increased. Sliver, Gold, Platinum, Diamond ……. Titanium, Moon Rock…….. Then how many days have you sailed with NCL, 50? .. and that escalated quickly. 705? Anyone higher? 838 ! He played this to the max, finally settling on the final of over 1100 nights. “Blah, blah, so proud. You are the ship’s Ambassadors this sailing.”. They got a birthday cake that had Birthday scraped off of it, and written is different colored icing Ambassador instead.

At last he got to the meet and greet the officers part. “Hello I am ….. I am the first officer or purser of head of housekeeping… when the last officer said his thing, then marched down (an actual march) the main aisle and left. That was the “Meet the officers party”? A glass of cheap free Champagne (we all have a drink package) and a piece of cheese from the free buffet? Glad I didn’t wait in line for that !

The two comedians who signed on in San Francisco are pretty good, but after three additional days that they were not prepared for, they were recycling routines they had done earlier on this cruise. One man came out with a note pad with his notes, he’d look at his notes, say his jokes, and glance at his watch, then back to his notes. ‘Check the watch. I gotta do 40 minutes, only 15 more to go. Now if I do the drunk landlord bit, I’ll stumble around on stage a little longer, that’ll kill two extra minutes, than only 13 more to go. Shit! I read that wrong the contract says 50 minutes ! … Oh! Fuck! I wonder if I can sneak some of my adult material in on this early to bed group?”. At least that is what I assumed his internal monologue was saying.

They did an awesome job, by the way.

I got bored enough that I went to an art auction. They give the impression that their art is all original and worthy of going into your personal ‘Collection’ to be handed down to future generations. Well maybe the original work could be valuable. I started looking closely at the paintings, and down in the corner by the artist’s signature is a notation similar to “257/850”. It is a limited run of that piece of art. The signature is almost always original, but the piece itself is mass produced. There are a few pieces I would like to own, because I like how it look, but I would never think of them as an investment. They do have some originals by artists even the art Neanderthal that I am have heard of. Those pieces go for a year’s salary to most of the people on this cruise. Still it is fun watching the bidders getting FOMO (fear of missing out) and raising their number when it should have stayed in their lap.

Last night was a great nature’s light show. I felt that my room was full of paparazzi and the flash bulbs were going off. Then seconds later the thunder clap. Eventually it became too much and I had to shut my curtains.

This morning my balcony overlooked palm trees and cargo cranes, and stacks of shipping containers. I was too late booking a bus ride up to a nice town and wasn’t too concerned. It’s Guatemala there is going to be a cute town close. Right? Huh? Well there ain’t. It is a working deep water shipping port. With all the charm of 1960’s Tacoma. The closest I came to actually visiting Guatemala was a 10 acre spot of greenery covered in palm trees, grass sod and vendors. Stepping off the ship is followed by running a gauntlet of bags handmade in China, junk jewelry that turns your ears green in a week, t-shirts that lose their logo and 3 sizes the first washing. Everything starts high and only the greenest of tourists pays the first price. Even I succumbed to the sales pitch. I’m happy with my purchases, but nothing that I would have normally purchased.

I wove my way through the throngs of this also not on an excursion for 20 minutes. Stopped at the outdoor restaurant to look over the menu. The prices were only slightly less than a waterfront eatery in the USA. I thought some Ceviche would be good, but at $25 for fish or shrimp and $55 for lobster I was priced out of the market. Besides, it’s not like Peru where Ceviche is not served after noon, because it isn’t fresh enough to merit selling. I am feeling that cruise ship dock Ceviche is akin to Gas Station Sushi.

Earlier in the cruise I asked M.J. the bartender if Guatemala had any good Rum. He pointed to a black and gold, still sealed bottle behind the bar. Rum aged in wood over two years, similar to Rapsado Tequila. I found this same bottle for sale on shore. One hundred US dollars ! Way out of my budget. I found another vendor asking the bargain price of $75. Well not a bargain as far as my wallet went. Since I had cell service, let’s Google the bottle on the internet. BEVMO, Washington state, $49 plus tax. Maybe I’ll wait until I get home. I did buy an airplane sized bottle to find out if my taste buds agree with my wallet.

The best part of today was cell service!

It’s 4:30 pm, I wrung every vowel out of the past few days. Think it’s Miller time. I hear a Mojito calling me.