At least it's not solitary confinement

So bored I even went to an art auction

Day four of our long international nightmare. We have been at sea so long that the hardtack is moldy and tastes of rat hair and bilge water. The crew is at one another’s throats and the bosun has had to be restrained in the brig. The captain seems to desire that we sail close enough to land to make mutiny a strong possibility, and on he sails. Day after day, the same routine. Arise with the sun and wash the lice from from your hair and stow your hammock for the day. See what Cookey has found to slop together and look at the gruel as if it was actual food. Climb to the topsail and set to work mending and wrapping the cloth securely ….. another day at sea.

I say international but so far the closest to international we have had this cruise was taco truck in Los Angeles. Cabo San Lucas canceled because of a hurricane (does the eastern Pacific Ocean have hurricanes? Tropical storm? Cyclones? Big winds?), which does sound like a good reason, but still disappointing. The next chance to have dirt or asphalt under my sandals was Acapulco. We were within sight of the hotels and then turned away. The weather report said 10 mph winds with gusts to 25 mph. The port was closed because of that. What a bunch of wimps. That makes today day four of being ship bound and then one additional day at sea, before (hopefully) Guatemala. It would be really great to actually stop at a foreign country this trip.

On the good side, I have done two years of cross stitch during the cruise. This cruise has nothing on a full season of the Seattle Seahawks. I’m not sure if I told this before (In probably have) but I only cross stitch during football season. My best friend “L’ loves the Seahawks and never misses a chance to catch their game. I’m pretty sure if something happened to her on a Sunday and the ambulance was taking her to the hospital, she’s ask the attendant to ‘Put on the ‘Hawks’ for the ride to the hospital. There is a group of us who meet at 10am ‘ship time’ each day at “Knitters and stitchers social”. It is more social than knitting. They should rename it to “More words than stitches”. One woman who knows how to everything, she hasn’t gotten to do anything, she has been so busy showing the other women how to cast on, crochet, some things I have never heard of. I know if she got hired on a season of the ‘Deadliest Catch’ she’s mend the nets. And they would catch more.

The other night I was in ‘Taste’ one of the complimentary restaurants. Not the one that serves everything with French Fries, including breakfast and dessert. ‘Taste’ has cloth napkins and table cloths. The servers all wear neckties, even the men. The first time I went there the woman walked around the podium and looked me up and down before escorting me to my seat. I asked her why, and she told me that ‘Jeans with holes were not allowed in their dining room’. I was confused I was wearing shorts, pasty white legs were better than a $200 pair of Calvin Klein’s with artistically created holes? Anyway. The couple seated after me looked like they were ready for ‘formal night’, classy right? They order, I swear, Diet Coke and Grey Goose. What the heck ? If you are going to add vodka to Diet Coca Cola and you are pretentious enough to order Grey Goose to it, you are a douche. Everyone knows you order Stoli with Diet Coke.

The table to my left sat eight, toward the end of service, officers of the ship came and took that table. Eight men in black with gold on their shoulders and sewn on the wrists of their jackets. I wasn’t quite sure if they were officers of the crew or a jewelers funeral. Their table was fitted with black cloth napkins. When they put the napkins on their laps they visually blended with their coal black trousers. They were so classy that they wore trousers, not pants. Why black napkins? I have no idea. Was the ship trying to disguise that these men were so classy that there wasn’t and chance that they might drop something in their lap and so no need for a napkin. Maybe they were afraid the white napkin would clash with their black. I asked if I could get a black napkin, and was told no. I wasn’t wearing black. (actually they did bring me one, it didn’t make me any neater)

The air is so humid. So humid that when you open your slider to the balcony that the humidity hits and glass in the room and instant fog. The mirror makes you look great, better than great. Like you are shot in professional photographer’s studio in soft focus. Not a single wrinkle or line to be seen. True when I went to sit on the toilet seat, I nearly skidded off.

I went up to the pool area, the ‘Garden of Melinoma’. All these people laying on Seattle mariners towels, with bags plastered with the Space Needle on it, trying to get a year’s worth of sun tan in one day. I saw them the next day walking around like the Hulk. You know, stiff legged and arms out to the side, like one of those diving birds drying off their feathers. Don’t let any body part touch any other body part. They were so red, you could take a picture of them and tell people it was a picture of a sunset.

After dinner I went to the bar for a nightcap and was talking with Malcolm. He pointed the the man next to him and told me that the guy was from Los Angeles and smelled like he hadn’t showered since two days before the cruise. He was wearing a XXXL wife beater top (they must have an actual name, it just came to me — tank top — doh!) and it was tight on him. He had bigger boobs than I have, heck he probably would give Carol Doda a run for her money. He had, he thought women rapt on his witty banter. I’m thinking the women are hoping for the rapture instead. He has been everywhere because he used to be a model - I shit you not, he said he was an underwear model for Haines. I didn’t know they had a series for big belly’s and small cocks.

Well that brings things up to date. Took me four sea days to come up with that, I hope Guatemala offers more insights.

Dinner done, Frangelico and carrot cake, but I think I’m out of words for the night.